Some days you just have to take a DEEP BREATH and believe this….<3
Fight Lyme some more…
And then PRAY again…
and NEVER.GIVE.UP. <3
Every day is one day closer.
Keep the fight strong, the HOPE deep, and HIS promise of healing always before your eyes. <3
“For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.”
I am in SO much pain today I hardly know what to do with myself…I tried reading…and couldn’t do that. Tried to sleep…that didn’t work too well either. Put in a CD with soft music…mmm…distracted me for a short time. Pretty much, nothing is working today. Well, I haven’t tried an epsom salt bath yet! Need to try that next…those usually at least help a little bit. The best thing has been to replay the memories from the past several days…happy memories seems to soothe almost any pain. It doesn’t take it away…but it does help to soothe. :) And so, since nothing has helped so far….I’m turning to the solace of writing. ;) Part of me really dislikes writing about pain, the other part of me feels like it’s an outlet and then another part knows this is all part of documenting my story (for my someday Lord willing book) and to help me not forget. Days of intense pain seem to be wiped from my memory unless I write about them.
I’m not feeling sorry for myself though…not at all. I know why I am in this much pain, and I really wouldn’t trade it. Right now with where my health is at, pushing myself in any way, shape or form brings consequences…and I know that. But the JOY of being able to get out of the house, “pretend” like I’m feeling good and actually socialize and SEE PEOPLE overrides MAJORLY any pain that I’m experiencing right now. There’s such a balance when you’re fighting a disease like Lyme. A balance I am learning on a continual basis. On one hand, RESTING as much as possible is CRUCIAL to your body being able to recover and go through all of the hard treatments/medications etc….and then on the other hand, when you’re a social butterfly (like me) sometimes seeing people and being involved in an event can lift your spirits like nothing else! And the lifting of one’s spirits does LOADS for your mind and body. It really does. :) And so, physically I know I’m paying dearly for the activities I was a part of the past several days…but my heart is SO full I wouldn’t trade it for anything! VERY grateful to the Lord for allowing me to be a part of my friend’s wedding and visit my nephew in the hospital. Both pushed me to my limit…at the wedding I had to sit down during most of the ceremony because I was far too weak to keep standing and at the hospital I ended up needing a wheelchair for most of the time because my legs just didn’t want to work any longer after the walk from the parking ramp to the third floor. But a hospital is the perfect place to find a wheelchair! Praise the Lord! When I push myself to that extent of being forced to sit down (at the wedding) or lay down (at the hospital)…I know the pain throughout my whole body is going to be quite great over the next week. But oh the JOY of even having the option of being at both of those events….Thank You, Lord. <3 A month or so ago it wouldn’t have even been an option to get out of the house for either of those. And so I’m thanking HIM for the progress we are seeing. :) Slow but steady…hard but good…requiring patience, perseverance and heart that doesn’t give up. <3
The pain I’m in today would’ve have made me do anything different. :) My heart is too full. <3 One of the things that is the hardest for me to deal with when it comes to Lyme Disease is the Loneliness… the Loneliness of spending hours each day in bed…and wanting so badly to be a part of the LIFE that goes on outside of my bedroom. And so when I get to taste a little bit of that life…even if it’s short and even if it brings consequences like today…it is worth it to me. :) I know I can’t indulge too much in “pushing myself” to this point…but when I do, you better believe I soak up every single minute and take it all in. <3
I’m not sure this post will make sense to those who are not sick…but to those that are, here’s to the “good days” when we can “pretend” for a few moments that we’re okay and healthy again. :) And someday…those good days will be REAL again with NO “Day after consequences”!
Back to bed and trying to sleep off the pain…but smiling from the memories made. <3
Trusting in HIS perfect timing for healing,
Visiting my new little ADORABLE nephew in the hospital yesterday. He is PRECIOUS and I’m THRILLED to be an Aunt.
My Dear Friend, Sarah at her wedding. Such an honor, privilege and blessing to be a part of her special day. <3
Hey Everyone! It’s been my goal ever since I got super sick in August to be able to walk the entire circumference of our yard. I attempted to try several times over the past few weeks…but to no avail. I felt much stronger today and guess what??? I FINALLY DID IT! Thank you, Jesus! <3 I was definitely out of breath and ready to lay down afterwards…but the important thing…is that God strengthened my body enough to walk around our entire yard! That alone encouraged my heart SO much! I haven’t been able to do that since August! Wow… God is good. Thank you, Jesus.
“Let the weak say I am strong.” ~Joel 3:10
Thank you so much, friends, for your continued prayers and support! It means the world to me.
Keep the fight strong, hopeful and always keep smiling,
This is exactly how I feel today….:) Between all the medicine, vitamins, epsom salt baths, Lymph Drainage routines, and Medicinal shakes etc. that I have to do from the moment I wake up until I go to bed it feels like I can’t take a break for one second. Sometimes I want to turn my phone off or throw it across the room because it goes off just about every hour reminding me of the next thing that I need to do or take for my Lyme Disease. The few times I’ve taken “a day off” and not gotten everything in for my health routine…my health has definitely paid for it in a lot more pain and the lyme starting to get a foot hold again. And so day after day in HIS strength I’m going do “Just do it. Then do it again.” and one of these days Lyme will be conquered and I won’t have to fight so hard each and every day. So looking forward to that!!
Thank You, Jesus for LIFE and please keep the fight strong in me…because this “Just do it, Then do it again.” thing is getting really loooong….and hard. <3
<3 Isaiah 40:31 <3
I am SO grateful to be slooooowly recovering from my bad Lyme attack that kept me completely bedridden for a good two months. Everything is still a challenge for me tho…the fatigue and feeling like I’m constantly walking thru mud can wear me out so quickly. I think this past week I’ve felt physically stronger…which is SUPER encouraging. And yet…mentally/emotionally weaker. Reading/writing/talking…are honestly difficult for me. And I can only handle so much stimulation from all three before it’s time for another nap. I feel like it’s not just a daily thing but a minute by minute thing right now for me to choose to be joyful, hopeful and know that the healing is coming. If it wasn’t for the Word of God and His promises and how REAL they are…I honestly would have given up so long ago. But when I go to His Word and read passages like Psalms 46:1 – “God is our REFUGE and STRENGTH, a very present help in trouble.” the burden begins to lift as I realize that this burden is not mine to carry alone. HE is carrying it for me. <3
I was VERY blessed by Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ Radio Program today: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/midst-storm-1/ Nancy and a few other women were talking about the storms of life and how we weren’t meant to live this life alone. At one point she said, “I need to borrow your faith when I am weak.” That is SO true!! I’m SO grateful to all the people and other Lymies who come along beside me when my faith starts faltering and pick me back up with their faith in God. And vice versa, I’m blessed and humbled when others around me start to fall and God strengthens me to help pick them back up.
Another thing they talked about during the program was how Jesus sang a hymn with his disciples in Gethsemane and he knew the battle he was about to face on the cruel cross and He STILL led his disciples in singing a hymn of praise. It made me think...if He could sing and praise going into the hardest, darkest, most painful thing anyone has ever experienced…then I can still praise Him during the storm of fighting Lyme Disease.
Thank you to all of you for your continued prayers, encouragement, support and prayers!!!
P.S. Instead of Happy Halloween….Happy Victory of Evil Day!!! :) <3 Thank you, Jesus for defeating evil on the cross and for purchasing forgiveness for our sin and healing from ALL sickness and all disease including Lyme Disease. <3
SO appreciate your continued love, prayers, encouragement and support! THANK YOU ALL for being my cheerleaders!
Some GOOD NEWS is that my Adrenal tests have been coming back…and so far my cortisol levels are perfectly fine! This is kind of a shock based on my wide array of adrenal deficiency-type symptoms…but DEFINITELY something I am grateful for! Still in the process of getting other tests done thru my Endocrinologist to confirm all of this…but so far so good.
The only thing that has shown up currently in my tests is a Gene Mutation and a Hormonal deficiency. Both are definitely something to treat, but shouldn’t cause the severe health conditions I have been experiencing the last 8 weeks which is leading us to believe more and more strongly that what I am dealing with is a really bad Chronic Lyme Disease Flare Up.
At the moment, I’m pretty exhausted because I’ve spent the entire day so far on the phone with Lyme Specialists and Lyme Clinics ALL over the nation from New York to Florida and Washington DC to California. At this point, my next step is to pursue treatment from a Lyme Specialist…which will mean going out of state for a time. Really praying about which Doctor or Clinic is the best fit for me.
It has encouraged me to talk to more people who specialize in Lyme Disease. The more I talk to people who specialize in Lyme…the more I realize ALL the symptoms I am having are VERY common among Chronic Lyme Patients. Even my very serious symptoms. LONG STORY SHORT…Lyme Disease viciously attacks every single function until it shuts that function down and therefore mimics hundreds of different diseases. I talked to a young lady today from one of the clinics who was previously on her deathbed from Lyme Disease and is now 95% better and living normal life again!!! SO encouraged to hear her story of healing!! I started crying as she shared her story because I felt like she was sharing mine…although she knew very little about me.
This battle against Lyme is continuing to be a hard fight…but I’m so grateful that My God is in control and that He is working out HIS healing in HIS time! Can’t wait for the day when I can tell you guys I am ALL better and back to normal life again…but until then, I treasure your prayers dearly.
Thank you all so much!
P.S. – I have a phone consult set up with one of the Lyme Specialists tomorrow…and another phone consult set up with another one on Thursday! You can pray they go well and that I remember to write down and ask all the questions I need too while the Doctor is one the phone! AND…you can pray for energy to talk…sometimes my voice energy disappears rather quickly these days… Thank you! <3