Today…

Hi friends,

No one is obligated to read what I am about to write….I in no way want to discourage anyone.  So please know…you don’t have to read this.  I hesitate to even write this…but I need to write.  And this Lyme blog is going to be my outlet for good days…and bad ones.  One of the most encouraging things to me is talking to someone who is now Lyme-free…but hearing about the very real, very hard, very long fight they had which is so similar to mine right now. Someday, I’ll be Lyme-free, too!  But until then…I want to document the realness of how hard a day can be in the life of a “Lymie”…so that someday, I too can call back to those still climbing the mountain and let them know that yes, I was there…yes, I know how hard it is to keep climbing….but keep climbing!  It gets better!  

Sunday’s are the Hardest for me…

Hard because most of the time I’m too sick and weak to go to church…  I LOVE Sunday mornings and I miss that fellowship so much.  I can usually watch my church’s service online…but it makes me sad when I can’t be there in person.

Hard because it’s our family day.  My Grandpa & Grandma come over…sometimes my brother and sis-in-law are over and all my siblings are all here in one place.  Those are the BEST days and the BEST moments when all the people I love the most are in one place. But it’s hard because today…I can hardly even walk from the couch to the bathroom…I couldn’t sit up at the dinner table with everyone…I can watch and listen…but I don’ t have the energy to engage in anything around me.  I can listen…but just having to put thoughts and words together enough to interact is SO exhausting.  I don’t even know how to explain how hard it is…  Normal people take conversation for granted…and that’s totally fine that they do! But after you contract Lyme and are in the midst of fighting it…it’s really hard to communicate verbally.  Annnnd….I don’t know how to explain that…it’s just exhausting to talk…trust me…it is. 😉  Might sound stupid…but it’s true.

I miss having the energy to get dressed up for God’s Special day. (I’ve been in my PJ’s ALLLLL day…and if anyone knows me…you know that I HATE PJ days…lol…I hated PJ days even BEFORE I contracted Lyme.  Unless I literally can hardly move I WILL dress up cute and do my hair EVERY day…even if that’s THE ONLY thing I have energy for.)  If there’s ONE day I can pick a week to have the energy to dress up…it would be today.  So it’s especially hard on Sundays when I don’t have the energy to get dressed.   It’s almost 6PM…and I’m still in my PJ’s….ugh.

I miss being a part of making Sunday dinner with everyone and helping with dishes.  No really!  You read that correctly and it’s the truth! I really honestly DO miss doing dishes…but I can hardly stand up and walk to the bathroom today…much less have the strength to stand up in the kitchen.

I cried several times today just from the constant, constant pain…  it just never ends.  The last couple days the pain wasn’t as severe…but for some reason…today it’s been awful again.  I don’t always understand the cycle of good days and bad days…apparently part of it has to do with the cycle of how Lyme Disease multiplies in your body.  Something I still need to read more about and understand better.

Right now…I honestly just want to be able to take a breath without it hurting…

I came across this video today on another Lyme Blogger’s site. It really encouraged me to watch it and have another “Lymie” verbalize how I feel.   Interesting how he explains the many “hats” we wear as “Lymies”….I had never thought of it in that context before.  But I think that’s one of the reasons it’s such an exhausting Disease to have. Thanks Youtube LymeGuy1 for doing this video!

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  I AM THANKFUL…to know I have Lyme Disease.  So many years not knowing what was wrong with me and wondering if it was all in my head was so hard.  I am thankful to finally have answers!

I AM THANKFUL…for so many family and friends who are so kind and understanding.  ❤

I AM THANKFUL…for a Savior, Jesus Christ…who reminds me thru His Word that He still has a plan and that He still has a future and a HOPE for me.  ❤

I AM THANKFUL…that God makes ALL THINGS NEW in His time.

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When I’m too sick to go to church…one of my favorite Pastor’s to listen to is Eric Ludy.  HIS faith inspires me.  Lord, fill me with FAITH that will rise above what I see and feel.  FAITH to keep fighting and keep BELIEVING in the coming healing. This was the sermon I listened to today…and it blessed me tremendously.  And right now I’m going to curl up on the couch…close my eyes…just rest and re-start this and listen to TRUTH.  Sometimes I wonder if my bad days have anything to do with thinking about the LYME too much…:-/  The pain is so real…I know it’s not my mind bringing on the pain…but I still have a choice what to do with my mind…focus on the pain or to focus on truth.  So right now…I could either cry from the pain…or just rest and listen to truth…so I am going to choose the latter.  If you need something good and inspiring to listen to…go ahead and join me. 🙂   The link to the sermon is below:

Keep the Fight Strong, HOPEFUL and *always* keep smiling,

Love,

Monica