I fight Lyme Disease like a complete GIRL! 😉 “I WILL
FIGHT. I WILL WIN. I WILL BE BACK.” 😉
Hello Friends and Happy Sunday! ❤
Thankfully I feel like my “girl fight” against Lyme Disease has re-entered my being today. Last week was super tough. I don’t think I got my daily walk in at all…all I could handle was eating and sleeping. I felt like my brain was disconnected from my body….you know that feeling when you want to think…but you just can’t cuz it’s like 4AM and you’ve been up all night and you can’t figure out even the smallest detail or write the easiest word/sentence? Yeah…that’s literally how I felt ALL last week…no matter how much sleep I got. The pain was also pretty bad again. Which very sadly kept me from attending my little sister’s High School Graduation Ceremony on Friday night. I tried to push myself SOOOOOO hard to go. But it was to no avail. It made me break down in tears at first…especially when I began counting all the important events I have missed over the past 8 years because of my Lyme Disease. I can’t explain the intense loneliness and inward pain when everything inside of you wants to be somewhere with your loved ones…but your body won’t let you. I LOVED the article that I posted HERE. It blatantly points out that the relationships in your life WILL SUFFER. If there was ANYTHING I could choose to NOT suffer in my life…it would be my relationships…with my family and my friends. Next to God, my family and friends are THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME. And it has crushed me over and over and over and over and over again the past 8 years to know that I am not the daughter, sister and friend that I so desperately long to be. I do my best…but I can’t be there all the time in all the ways that I would wish to be for those closest in my life. Why? Because of my Lyme Disease. I don’t have energy…I don’t have mental stamina…some days just getting myself dressed is all I can handle…I can’t always engage in conversation….I can’t handle temperature change (which means outdoor events aren’t always an option)…I don’t always have control over my body due to the pain or not being in complete control over my muscles etc. Some days are GREAT…other days are HORRIBLE. And I never know what a day is going to hold… I LOVED the article that I referenced earlier because it said that towards the beginning of your treatment you will have mostly BAD days with a few good ones here and there…and slowly…little by little you will have more and more good days until your GOOD days outnumber your bad ones. Right now…my bad days are still outnumbering my good days. It can leave me feeling depressed, lonely, longing to engage in activities but unable too. It can be really discouraging. And yet…YOU HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING! JUST like an OLYMPIAN! Beating Lyme Disease is incredibly difficult…it takes physical endurance, mental stamina and sheer will power. It takes putting yourself first–(I would usually hate that term…but when it comes to recovering from this type of disease you have to listen to your body…and when you need to REST…you need to REST…even if it means backing out of something.). Lyme Disease is still so un-researched that treatment is difficult and there are no concrete answers yet. If you kill the Lyme too fast you can kill yourself because of the havoc that all the dead spirochetes cause in your body….but if you don’t kill it fast enough you won’t get ahead of the disease because it is multiplying every 29 days. You have to stay in the fight…but you have to pace yourself. Your Doctor is GREAT! But your Doctor can’t be there 24/7 making sure you are taking your medicine, eating right, getting enough sleep, doing your detox regiment, NOT falling into depression etc. That is solely and completely up to you! Tonight my family watched the movie, “Cool Runnings”. I LOVE how those Jamaicans DID NOT GIVE UP even amidst unseemly odds. At one point, Sanka said, “I feel like an OLYMPIAN today…how about you??” The line made me laugh…and then made me think. That is how EVERY LYME PATIENT MUST THINK!! You MUST think like an Olympian. You MUST get up after every bad day…you MUST keep pushing forward…you MUST take control of your mind and keep BELIEVING that you are going to get better someday…you MUST KEEP FIGHTING. Lyme Disease is not your average battle…Lyme Disease is a highly functioning organism that will hide/mutate and do whatever it has to do to keep you from killing it… That’s why you have to keep it on it’s toes by switching up medications and treatments. LYME DISEASE doesn’t give up easy…and I can’t either! YOU CAN’T EITHER! Yes, last week…you know what…in some ways Lyme Disease won…for just a few days…cuz I was exhausted from fighting…exhausted from trying. I kept doing what I needed to do…but half-halfheartedly. I was tired. I was weak. But sometimes…even Olympic athlete’s hit that wall…where everything comes crashing in…and they want to give up. But what do those gold medalists do?? THEY KEEP GOING! They KEEP TRAINING! THEY KEEP GETTING UP MORNING AFTER MORNING AFTER MORNING AND DOING WHAT THEY NEED TO DO TO WIN. And as a Lyme Fighter Athlete…that’s what I need to do, too. Yes, I fight like a girl…I will Fight. I will WIN. And mark my words…I WILL be back. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt normal…it’s been years. So many days still seem so dark. So many dreams seem to have been crushed. So many hurtful blows. But I’ve still got a lot more fight in me left because I have a God in Heaven who is on my side and Psalms 108:13 says, “Through God we shall do valiantly.” For me, I take that to mean, “Through GOD I SHALL DO VALIANTLY OVER LYME DISEASE.” Emphasis on the “Through God.” In the meantime, yes…some weeks I’m still gonna have to spend it in bed…some days I’m still gonna have to miss out on special/important events…some days I will still feel lonely and want to give up. But things worth winning never come easy. They always come with a price…and winning the fight over Lyme isn’t going to come easy, either. The focus of an Olympian helps me fine tune the focus I need right now. Being faithful to my Game Plan of recovery…even tho it literally takes HOURS each day…and gets tiring. It’s going to pay off in the end. And Lyme Disease…you’re messing with the wrong girl! Before Lyme I was well on my way towards Nursing School….and you better believe that my desire to help people who are sick is only getting stronger and stronger with each new Lyme full Day. When I am all better there is no doubt in my mind that I will be devoting as much as I can to helping others with Lyme recover from this awful disease. But for right now…I’m still in the fight…and need to keep my focus on the finish line. The Jamaican bobsled team didn’t win the race with the fastest time…they didn’t get a gold medal…they had to WALK the last part of the track. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT THEY MADE IT TO THE FINISH LINE! They CROSSED THE LINE! It doesn’t matter if the Lyme has me crawling, limping, walking or running to the finish line…the important thing for me to remember is that I get there. And so…I will keep fighting like a girl. 😉 Not giving up…not letting go of my dreams…and not letting go of the promise of God’s Healing. ❤
I’m not sure if my thoughts were written in a well-organized way or not…probably not with my brain feeling so like mush as it is today…but writing definitely is good for me right now. ❤ Thanks to all of you who are fighting this with me by your encouragement, prayers and support. I love you all dearly! Have a blessed rest of your Sunday evening.
Keep the fight STRONG, Hopeful and *always* keep smiling,
- Preparing for Lyme Disease Treatment? (lymegirlfighter.wordpress.com)